Friday, December 12, 2008

Holiday Spirits

It's been hard recently and I haven't wanted to get on a blog much. I know I so should be in the holiday spirits and it has been hard to get into. Josh had been pushing me to get a Christmas tree, so I finally gave in and we got one. It's my first Christmas tree that I can say is mine (well and Josh's too). It's more in the fact of I got to pick it out, and I got to decorate it how I wanted, in my whole life, I've never done that. When I was a kid and my mom was alive I would mimic her so I could decorate the tree exactly how she did it the next year. I wanted my tree to be something she would be proud of. Simple and elegant. Now I don't have that much, cuz we are poor, but I feel like I did it. Decorating the tree with my mom is one of the good memories I have.
Josh's family all collects Department 56 Christmas Villages. So I thought it would be good for me to set that up. It took me two hours. I'm leaving that village up til February. There are so many pieces, I had forgotten the effort it takes to put up, strangely I DO remember the effort it takes to take it down (I'll need a prayer for that one ;-) )

Josh is so great, he reminds me everyday how Christmas is his favorite time of year. So along with the tree and the village, I thought that if I listened to Christmas music everyday it would help. It has perked me up a little. I would get frustrated that because we don't have much money this year, I can't buy presents for everyone that I want to, I can't afford to send out cute Christmas cards Then I thought about Christmas shopping and Christmas cards, and I got negative about it. Why do we put ourselves through the craziness of shopping long and hard to find a present, just to have to possibly find a box for it, then nicely wrap that box, just so it can be torn open in 2.3 seconds? Then I thought WHY do we torture ourselves with Christmas cards? Finding the right cards, the torture of getting the family picture, addressing 3 million envelopes, stamping all of them, just so people can look at it and throw the card away.
Thats when I remembered last year and the excitement of my husband when I surprised him with tickets to his favorite music band. Then I thought of my little Ian and next year and the year after that, the excitement I will get to see on his face when he rips open his presents. That thought made it worth it to me.
I thought about how much I love seeing the cute pictures friends send seeing their kids grow, and imaging everyone in the picture going crazy right up until the photographer says, "smile", and then you have this great picture. I love reading what friends have been up to through the year. So what the heck is my problem?
I haven't incorporated my Savior into my Christmas this year. I have been so utterly focused on all my families issues and wondering how things are going to work out, that I have not once thought about Him. I haven't stopped to think what can I do to serve him and others. I have forgotten that I don't have to buy presents in order to "do something nice for someone". Now I know we should be thinking about this always and not just during the Christmas season, but it is kinda pushed on us more this time of year. So I'm going to stop dwelling on the fact that I can't just go out and buy stuff (because that is the easy route), but find other alternatives to helping others, always.

Whenever Josh has seen me a little down, he always tells me, "I don't care about presents or what we do this year for Christmas, all that matters is that I have you and Ian." I still don't know how I got so lucky to have married such a good man. So today I had my brother be our photographer (because once again we are poor, I know... who isn't these days, right?) and took our little family picture. So I could be reminded that it's my little family that matters, and most important putting my Savior first.

Sunday, November 23, 2008


I'm a Bella! I found out through Which Twilight Female Are You? Take the quiz and find out!
Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!

You are observant, diplomatic and often aim to please. You are unaware of your attractiveness and despite being uncomfortable with any form of attention, people enjoy your company. You can be impatient, stubborn and headstrong, but you are true to your word and mature for your age, often taking care of your family and enjoying a good book over chatting with girlfriends on the phone.

Who would have thunk it?! Me Bella...I can't wait to see this movie. Monica and April...I'm on countdown!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

2 week check up

I know I really should be napping right now because I am so exhausted, but when your mind is going a million miles an hour and you really can't leave at the moment to go do the errands you need to, and you really don't want to clean your house, or do your laundry that has piled up for sit at the computer and blog.
Yesterday was Ian's two week checkup.
I was a little nervous that his weight wouldn't be back up as he has been throwing up a lot lately. Luckily he has gained his birth weight back along with a few more ounces. His weight was in the 23 percentile. His length was in the 33rd, and his little (yes little) head was in the 27th. According to the doctor, she said that was all perfect and he was right on where he needed to be. I was happy with that. The highlight of the doctors visit was Ian rolling over on the table. I had laid Ian flat on his back and he rolled over onto his side and then onto his tummy. The doctor about flipped out. She kept saying over and over, "you aren't supposed to do that yet". She kept stressing to me that I needed to really watch him now if he is doing that...gee ya think?! Thanks for the warning doc....I'm so in trouble all ready. I really can't complain though, I have been so blessed. Ian is such a great little baby. He really only screams when he has to have his diaper changed or when we give him a bath. Otherwise he is as chill as his daddy (thank the heavens for that one). I just pray that since he looks like me, he will take on his daddy's personality. I am soooooo in trouble if he has just an ounce of my personality. It will be interesting though to watch and see what my mother taught him in heaven. I know she taught him things to do to irritate me. I'm waiting, and scared to death for my payback. ;-)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I love St. George

So there are probably quite a few mothers out there who will read this and think I am psycho, but that's okay, cuz it was worth it. This last weekend I was getting cabin fever very badly, and made the suggestion to Josh we go visit his family down in St. George. Josh had a three day weekend so he was thrilled with the idea. So we packed up our week old baby, and headed 6 hours south to sunny (70 degree weathered) St. George. Ian did so awesome, we stopped once to feed and change him, and he slept the rest of the drive. We got there pretty late friday night as the idea hadn't occured to me until 4pm. The next morning at 6am, Josh and I were up to go yard sale-ing with Josh's dad, and sister Monica. I'd never been on the "hunt" before, so this was an all new experience. We had a great time going all over St. George trying to find a "new find". I got a brand new ice cream maker, just in time for winter ;-) . By about 11am the back of Monica's mini-van was filled with all kinds of great things we found. One of my favorite things about St. George is the magnificent burger joint...In-n-Out. So with Monica and her hubby Danny, and the parents in law, we hit up In-n-Out. I seriously think I could eat there everyday. It always reminds me of growing up in California and eating there as a kid.

Later we went to visit Josh's grandma and got a generation picture. Cute Auntie Monica with Ian
Ian wore himself out hangin around with cousin Dylan. ;-)

That night, Josh, Monica, Danny and I all took a little trip over to Mesquite, NV for some good ol' buffet-ing (yeah it's my new word). It was awesome catching up with Monica and Danny, as we don't see them very often.

Thank you to Mama and Papa Hawks for watching all the kids for us, you are heaven sent!!!!!
Sunday was a great day of napping and football.

Mama Hawks made a fabulous Sunday dinner, and we had a short family home evening.
We had such a blast just hanging out with everyone. Monday we had to get back, we made one last stop to In-n-Out and were on our way home. Ian once again did awesome and we just stopped once for a feeding. I feel so lucky to have such a good little one (I know, I know...for the time being). I got teary leaving knowing I had to one come back to cloudy Ogden, and two leaving the family. I had such a great time with them, I'm gonna start looking at housing down there.

P.S. Alisha if you read this I'm sorry I didn't come see you. Next time I will hopefully know ahead of time and we can get together.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Baby Ian

Well the wait is finally over. Ian Bruce Hawks has finally joined us in this world. Thursday Oct. 30th, I went into the hospital at 7am to be induced. We got things going around 9am, after an hour of contractions I was screamin for the epideral. Thanks Epideral, you are my new best friend!!! By 12:30 I was dilated to a 5. I figured it would be a while before I got to a 10 so I sent my mom and Josh out to get some lunch. When they got back at 1:30 I was dilated to a 9. By 2:30, I was at a 10 and ready to go. At 3:00, the doctor had me start pushing, I pushed for an hour, and at 3:56pm, Ian was here. I had such an awesome nurse. After I was all stitched up and ready to go, they moved me to my room. It was so great to have Josh and my mom there with me. My Mother-in-law, along with my brother Darren came to see me that evening. It truly is an incredible experience. It was so neat to watch Josh's reaction to everything, he is such an amazing daddy already. He loves holding his little boy, and has been waiting on me hand and foot and won't leave the baby's side. I truly couldn't ask for a better husband. I'm just so excited to be home now, especially knowing that I won't have someone coming in my room every few hours to take my vitals, or blood, or ask me something random. I feel so blessed to have such a happy, healthy baby. I know with out a doubt the Lord was watching over our little family throughout this whole experience. Hope you all enjoy the pictures. ;-)

Monday, September 22, 2008


I'm sitting here at 12:30 in the morning because I can't sleep. Yay for pregnancy...well that and I have pretty much slept on the couch most of the day. Saturday night I threw my back out pretty bad after being on my feet for 8 solid hours. So I spent all of today on the couch, so along with the back pain I got to be lucky enough to feel the baby trying to punch a hole through my stomach. I was literally getting it from both sides. Josh was gone at work, then to church, then to a family gathering, so getting up and down by myself was some serious work. All day all I felt was pain. I was so frustrated that I couldn't do anything. When Josh came home tonight, he told me our neighbor was in the hospital again, she overdosed on her meds. My heart was broken as she had promised us so many times that she wouldn't do that again. Josh called his hometeaching companion and told me they were going over to the hospital to give her a blessing. I needed to go. I threw my pain aside and got up and went to the hospital. She was so happy to see us. It broke my heart as she talked about the good things in life that were going for her, and then relayed the sad reasoning as to why she wanted to end her life. Josh gave her a beautiful blessing, reminding her of the atonement and it's purpose, and of the love of our Heavenly Father. When we got home Josh made the comment about how great it's been that he has been able to give so many blessings recently. As I have sat here I realize how negative I have been, being sad for myself with all this pain I have felt, when I have been given such great blessings. I feel so blessed to have married a man who is worthy to hold the priesthood, and help be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to help others. I'm blessed to have the atonement in my life and know the truthfulness of it. I think of the pain that Jesus suffered in the garden for me, and my pain grows smaller each time I think of my older brother giving his life on the cross. The biggest blessing of all is knowing that there is a God who loves me, and is rooting for me to make it back home to Him. It's sad when trials come upon us, but joyous when we can overcome them by remembering the blessings we have been given.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Name for baby

I have been so blessed to have married a man with the patience of a saint. We have grown so much together in the last year. It really has been a rollercoaster of a ride, working through our issues and really getting to know one another. We have so much more to really learn about each other and I look forward to those days. We had days I wasn't sure if we would make it, but I look at him now and wonder how I really ever made it through so much in life without him. I can't begin to express how much love I have for this man, who does so much for me each day to make sure that I am taken care of. He has become my best friend and my rock.

This is a short post, only because I want to share with those reading this, my husbands blog that he recently wrote. It really touched me to the core. We have decided on our sons name and Josh shares the story so beautifully. So I would rather you read it through his blog, titled "What's in a name"., or just click on "Josh" on the side of my blog. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did. :-)

Saturday, August 30, 2008

The way life goes

Last week my sister, my best friend next to my husband, moved to Moscow, ID. My brother-in-law decided to return to school to get his PhD. I'm super excited for them because I know how much they love it there and have so many friends there. Some may think that it's no big deal, but for me its so much more than that. My sister and I have not been apart for almost the last 5 years. Up until I met my husband she has been my rock. I consider her kids to be my kids. When we were young and would fight, my mom would always tell us, "one day, you two will be all you have." In these last years, I have been there and felt that, where my sister was all I had. It's been a very hard thing to endure not having my sister close by. For me the hardest part is knowing that I cannot be there when she needs me. It breaks my heart when she has a hard day with the kids and I can't be there to help take over. It hurts to know she won't be here when my baby comes, but it's okay, I know it's not by choice. She has taught me a lot about myself, and I love her dearly for it. I will miss our movie nights more than anything...something salty, sweet, and chocolatey. I know she's not dead, she's only 12 hours away, but for me, and loosing so many people in my life, this has been hard. Sorry it may be depressing, but I needed to get this out. I love ya Jells!!!!!

If you need something awesome Aunt Kristi loaded me up on baby furniture this week. I got the crib, the basinet, the baby vibrating chair, a swing, and a garbage bag full of clothes. I am excited about the crib, it's green and I can't wait to get some blue spray paint and stencil in my Seattle Seahawks logo. Josh isn't all that thrilled (as he wants everything to be decorated in Utah Jazz) but, I think he will survive. Now I just need to get a Seattle Seahawks baby jersey and I am set...well that and a truck load of diapers. Anyone know of a Pampers truck I can hijack!? ;-)

Saturday, August 9, 2008


Every where I go I just want to say Aloha. Lame I know but when you say it everywhere for a solid week I guess it just becomes one of those things. Josh and I were so lucky to be given the opportunity to go to Hawaii with my awesome parents-in-law for a week. We stayed on the island of Oahu and a block from Waikiki beach. It was absolutely one of the most incredible vacations I have ever got to go on. We relaxed and did enough where I felt I saw most of the island. It was just beautiful.
Our first day we spent relaxing on the beach, once Josh was nice and lobsterish-looking we decided to head out and go shopping. We hit up the International Market Place. I was in bartering heaven. I learned to get things, 2 for $5. I think I wore my father in law out with my shopping.

The next day we were up at 5:30am to start out at Pearl Harbor. I was in awe. They first sit you in a theater for a movie with the real footage from 1941, then take you out to the memorial. I teared up quite a bit as I come from a navy family. This was so huge for me. It was amazing how quite and peaceful it is there. But then again it is an underwater cemetery. Following Pear Harbor we went over to the Aloha Stadium for some serious bartering and shopping..aka the "swap meet". The whole stadium is surrounded with kiosks. We walked around the whole stadium. Again I think I wore my father in law out as he informed me he had never done that before. ;-) After the swap meet, we headed to Laie, to the Polynesian Cultural Center (PCC). That place is unreal. It was such a blast learning about the different islands. The luau was funny in the sense that our main entertainer made you feel like you were at a Las Vegas show instead of a Hawaiian luau. At one point in the show the host called all the couples up that were celebrating an anniversary or a honeymoon there to come up and slow dance. I refused as Josh and I were celebrating our one year anniversary, but my in-laws insisted, so we went up in front of tons and tons of people and slow danced. Okay so it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but still it was a little awkward.

The day following we headed back to Laie to see the temple and then off to snorkel at a place called Sharks Cove. Unfortunately for all you lucky souls, I didn't get any pictures of us with our snorkel gear. I however had a bit of an issue with the snorkeling since I had never done it before. I had a few anxiety attacks and called it quits. Josh decided the next morning we would work on my breathing techniques in the pool before we go snorkeling again.
Just one of our gorgeous sunsets we got to see every night.

So the next day I practiced in the pool until I felt comfortable that I could snorkel just fine in sharks cove. Before heading to Sharks cove for the second time, we planned to do two things, one Josh and I were on a mission to find "Dog the Bounty Hunters" main office. We found it. De Kine Bonds. I was so excited, and sad that we didn't get to see him, but it was still surreal that we found the office and got a few souvenirs at the gift shop round the corner. Following that we had decided to attend a session in the Hawaii temple. It was so beautiful. There was a man at the front desk who gave us quite a history lesson on the temple.

One of the amazing scenery's we were able to see as we circled round the island on our way to the temple. After the temple, we hit up Sharks Cove where I am thrilled to say that I snorkeled like a pro...well almost. We first went out pretty far and got close to this cave and I pretty much freaked out and jumped on Josh's back. After that I was pretty calm. It was so unreal, I saw so many incredible fish and swam with sea turtles.

As for our last day there, we went to church and then visited a military cemetery, which they call the Punch Bowl. The peacefulness that resides there was just unreal. At the top of it there is an overlook of Honolulu and Waikiki.

This was me after the walk back down the hill from the tired..HA!

For people who have wanted to see my belly, here it is...27 weeks

On the way to the airport my last memory of Hawaii. Thanks to my in-laws for such an amazing trip. I couldn't ask for anything better!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

My newest Nephew

Wednesday morning July 9, 2008 at 8:42am my nephew Levi Garrett Foutch was born.
I got to be there with my sister through the whole child bearing. Let me first say I had no desire to see anything. I was at the head of the bed, there to support my sister and be a good first time coach. Who knew you could still get a first rate view of everything at the head of the bed. I was so amazed at how fast the whole thing went. The doctor came in at 8am to induce, 8:15 was the enormous needle inserted into my sisters backside, and after just two pushes at 8:42 the baby was here (I am beginning to plead with the Lord that my labor goes that fast). Its such a strange moment that continuously replays over and over in my head.

The best was that when I first held the baby, I teased my brother in law that he looked Jewish, with his very prominent nose. (Sidenote: originally the baby's name was going to be Matthew Bruce, and he had gone by that name all day after being born.) Wednesday night after I had left the hospital my sister and brother in law began to talk about how he didn't look like a Matthew. I had thought the same thing, but didn't say anything cuz he wasn't my baby. Come to find out my siblings and my cousin all had felt the same way about the name. My brother in law was then prompted with the name of Levi Garrett, who is a Hebrew ancestor on my mothers side. They both felt so strongly about that name. I thought it was perfect and very fitting.

I have to say it was an amazing experience, and I feel very calm now about what I will have to go through now that I have seen the procedure. I'm so super excited especially because my little man will have a cousin who is the same age to play with.
My brother Garrett joined in on the pictures with my sis and I

My sister Jelly and her adorable growing family My nephew Gabe wanted to go home in the baby's car about that.....