It's been hard recently and I haven't wanted to get on a blog much. I know I so should be in the holiday spirits and it has been hard to get into. Josh had been pushing me to get a Christmas tree, so I finally gave in and we got one. It's my first Christmas tree that I can say is mine (well and Josh's too). It's more in the fact of I got to pick it out, and I got to decorate it how I wanted, in my whole life, I've never done that. When I was a kid and my mom was alive I would mimic her so I could decorate the tree exactly how she did it the next year. I wanted my tree to be something she would be proud of. Simple and elegant. Now I don't have that much, cuz we are poor, but I feel like I did it. Decorating the tree with my mom is one of the good memories I have.
Josh's family all collects Department 56 Christmas Villages. So I thought it would be good for me to set that up. It took me two hours. I'm leaving that village up til February. There are so many pieces, I had forgotten the effort it takes to put up, strangely I DO remember the effort it takes to take it down (I'll need a prayer for that one ;-) )
Josh is so great, he reminds me everyday how Christmas is his favorite time of year. So along with the tree and the village, I thought that if I listened to Christmas music everyday it would help. It has perked me up a little. I would get frustrated that because we don't have much money this year, I can't buy presents for everyone that I want to, I can't afford to send out cute Christmas cards Then I thought about Christmas shopping and Christmas cards, and I got negative about it. Why do we put ourselves through the craziness of shopping long and hard to find a present, just to have to possibly find a box for it, then nicely wrap that box, just so it can be torn open in 2.3 seconds? Then I thought WHY do we torture ourselves with Christmas cards? Finding the right cards, the torture of getting the family picture, addressing 3 million envelopes, stamping all of them, just so people can look at it and throw the card away.
Thats when I remembered last year and the excitement of my husband when I surprised him with tickets to his favorite music band. Then I thought of my little Ian and next year and the year after that, the excitement I will get to see on his face when he rips open his presents. That thought made it worth it to me.
I thought about how much I love seeing the cute pictures friends send seeing their kids grow, and imaging everyone in the picture going crazy right up until the photographer says, "smile", and then you have this great picture. I love reading what friends have been up to through the year. So what the heck is my problem?
I haven't incorporated my Savior into my Christmas this year. I have been so utterly focused on all my families issues and wondering how things are going to work out, that I have not once thought about Him. I haven't stopped to think what can I do to serve him and others. I have forgotten that I don't have to buy presents in order to "do something nice for someone". Now I know we should be thinking about this always and not just during the Christmas season, but it is kinda pushed on us more this time of year. So I'm going to stop dwelling on the fact that I can't just go out and buy stuff (because that is the easy route), but find other alternatives to helping others, always.
Whenever Josh has seen me a little down, he always tells me, "I don't care about presents or what we do this year for Christmas, all that matters is that I have you and Ian." I still don't know how I got so lucky to have married such a good man. So today I had my brother be our photographer (because once again we are poor, I know... who isn't these days, right?) and took our little family picture. So I could be reminded that it's my little family that matters, and most important putting my Savior first.
11 months ago